Posted on August 25 2018
I sit here on a Friday night after working for the “man”. (For those who don’t know I work for another company). Not by choice.
Part of me thinks “how the f#*k did I end up back here?”
There’s also the other part of me that loves the interaction, loves achieving goals and working as a team.
It’s really easy when it’s not your own business. Because what care do I really have?
I turn up, I do my job and smash out my targets and I get rewarded. I get paid.
And... how f#*kn good is that feeling when you accomplish something?
Your “team” is there to share your successes.
Then there’s your own business...
You start a brand. You have success and celebrate on your own. You are your harshest critic so there ain’t really a celebration. It’s about scrutinising every detail of what you’ve done and how you can improve next time, because what you have done wasn’t enough. It never is.
Then there are the failures. They are what eat me up - every. single. time.
There is no support network. No one to turn to to tell you it’s ok. No strategy to “fix it”, just you questioning yourself and thinking where to next?
You release something next month and it sells out. You’re popping bottles on the biggest high of your life. Backing yourself 100% and even fanaticising and role playing out all your dreams.
It’s like a pill this business. Addictive.
It picks me up, puts me down and spits me out. But I keep coming back.
I challenge every part of my creative brain trying to come up with the next “breaking” design.
The funniest part is, that’s what comes easily, it’s the mental shit that f**!s me. Every time.
I was asked recently, “if you know what you know now, would you still have this brand?”
My throat swelled and I got a tad sweaty...
I still cannot answer that.
Ask me on a high and I’ll say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
Ask me on an off day and I’ll say, “f**k this c*nt of a business”.
Everyone must think I’m killing it at business, rolling in cash and working out where to throw my next $10k.
Reality is... it’s not like that at all.
I’m actually trying to work out how I can work to fund my next range after recently being fkd over and ripped off. And yes, I also thought I was smarter than “that”, I wasn’t.
My heart is in the right place and unfortunately that’s what got me this time, I trusted certain people.
This small business life isn’t as glamours as what you may think. My HQ isnt a HQ at all. I don’t even have a home office. My desk is set up in our lounge room so I can work around the demands of my bossy 2 year old (yep she’s mine).
I spend half the day being crawled over whilst I try and punch out emails with one finger with my only free hand, playing magician is what I am good at. I feel guilt for wanting to give her the attention she deserves and wanting her to get the f*ck off me, I have shit to do.
And this is just one small element to this business.
I was prompted to write about this as I have seen so many small businesses closing lately.
But I know why.
It’s tough. F**n tough.
I think I started this business to have flexibility and be able to spend more time with my family. Well, it’s the opposite.
They say when you have your own business you do an 80 hour work week, there is so much truth in this plus some.
Which leads to me to my closing.
To all my fellow small biz owners, I GET YOU. It’s not as glamourous as it may seem from the outside. It’s hard relentless work and an emotional roller coaster.
Let’s band together to make a tribe so we have a “team”. We can celebrate our successes, share our f*ck ups and laugh off our failures.
Lets help each other to keep going even when we want to give up.
There’s room for everyone.